Can you read this in Heaven? Do you check in on us? We all miss you. It is almost Christmas, it is next week. I am having everyone over for finger foods and to watch the kids open presents, just like you always did. The kids are getting so big. Well the boys are, Alta is getting taller. Parker is starting to forget you, but every once in a while he remembers and says something about you. And when I'm sad, he asks if I still miss you. I answer that I will always miss you. Landon doesn't talk about you much either, but he remembers you. It doesn't seem right that our world keeps moving without you. I saw a lady yesterday at the grocery store, she was built just like you and had the same hair color and cut, and since I only saw her from behind, for a second I got excited and thought it was you. I was so happyy that I finally found you. And then, I remembered. It couldn't be you. I wonder if I will ever stop searching for you, if I will ever stop getting butterflies everytime the phone rings. It doesn't feel like you are gone. Just away. And that you will be back. And how I wish that were true. It will be 4 months this month. It seems like yesterday. But at the same time, an eternity. I hope you are having fun up there. I hope we will meet again someday, but not very soon. I still have a lot to do down here. So, Merry Christmas, Mom. Have a great time celebrating up there with family and friends that have gone before or maybe after you.